Opinion

Dear Mari: Don’t let your faiths divide you

DIFFERING FAITHS are a problem with the father.

DIFFERING FAITHS are a problem with his father.

Dear Marilyn,

My boyfriend’s family is of one religious faith, and I am of another faith. My boyfriend doesn’t mind it at all, and is very respectful of my faith.

The problem lies with his father. I want so badly for him to like me. It doesn’t look like it’s going to happen, because of our religious differences.

DearMarilogo   My boyfriend and I are very serious. He is very supportive of me when we are speaking to his father, and I really appreciate that. However, I want his dad to approve of me.

I have a college degree, and a good paying, interesting job. And I am in love with his son.

When I go over to my boyfriend’s home, I always get a scowl from his dad. I try to engage him in conversation, but it is usually pretty one sided.

I feel like no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I will never be accepted by him. How should I handle this?

Signed, Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

   It is very understandable that you would like your boyfriend’s father to like you. You’d love him to think you are the perfect woman for his son.

   However, it is unlikely this is going to happen, at least in the near future. It is possible that he will never be as friendly or caring towards you as you would like him to be.

   So, it will be best for you to face that fact and accept it. Since you and your boyfriend are comfortable with you having different faiths, that is the most important issue. His father’s acceptance would be great, but it may not happen.

   So, continue to be your friendly, caring, understanding self when you are with his father.   If he eventually warms up to you, that will be terrific.

   Otherwise it is his loss. He is the one that will be missing out on getting to know the great person that you are.

Dear Marilyn,

My best friend is dating a very controlling guy. I am afraid that she will never get out of the relationship.

She has been with him less than a year, and she is way too deep into the relationship, in my opinion.

They have an apartment together, and they just bought a dog. They are in the process of buying a car together under both of their names.

I can tell that she is overwhelmed with this situation, and how fast things are moving for them. She recently confided in me that she doesn’t know how to tell him “no” when he wants to make new major purchases together.

She told me that she thinks she must be in love with him, but that she is not sure. She said that she knows that it will be very hard to break up with him due to all of their shared items and bills.

He recently brought up getting married. When she told me about it, she didn’t seem happy and excited, but honestly, rather a bit scared.

What can I do to help her? I have a feeling she will be making a huge mistake if she marries him.

Signed, Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

   I agree with you. If she marries him, there is a good chance it will be a disaster.

   However, when it comes to matters of the heart, the decisions always must be made between the two that are involved in the relationship.

   As her best friend, you can point out that it appears he is moving way too fast for her, and that she does not appear that she feels the same way about their relationship that he does.

   But, honestly, she already knows that. She has made some poor choices, which will make it difficult to break up with him. The mingling of so many of their finances has put her is a tough spot.

It will be up to her to make the decision to end the relationship, and figure out what to do about the financial mess. You can’t do it for her.

   You can be her loyal and supportive friend. She has to do the rest. You shouldn’t, and can’t push her into making any decisions as to where to go from here.

Dear Readers, I would love to hear from you! Please send your questions or problems to orangecountytribune@gmail.com. Please put “Dear Marilyn” in the subject line. I look forward to your questions!

 

 

1 reply »

  1. Dear Marilyn,

    Your advice to ‘Frustrated’ point on. I would like to add just one more thing. Not knowing the two faiths involved, I cannot make an accurate assessment of the situation, but I want to say this to ‘Frustrated’. If you have not already studied your boyfriend’s faith I recommend you do. It’s possible the problem may not about the difference in faith as much as it might be male-female, related-not related interaction. Perhaps your boyfriend’s father thinks it is improper to talk to a young, single woman. If so, when, and if you marry your boyfriend, your future father-in-law may no longer seem annoyed when around you.

    However, the man may simply be set in his religious ways. Either way, Marilyn’s advice is just right for you.

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