Arts & Leisure

Dear Mari: Still living with my ex-hubby

TWO MEN in her life has led to some complications.

Dear Marilyn,

I have been divorced for about four years, and I am ready to start dating again. I have lost some weight, gained some confidence, and I am ready to try again to find a good relationship.

The problem is that I live with my ex-husband. I am having a hard time finding a guy who is willing to accept this situation.

We are just friends, and we don’t sleep together. We have a 5-year-old son, and we decided about three years ago that if our son was going to have his daddy around, we had better try to live together. And, it is working surprisingly well. He is a great roommate and father. In fact, he’s the best roommate that I have ever had.

He seems to have no problem getting the ladies to understand the situation, and he has plenty of dates. What can I do so that I can get some guys to accept the situation as well?

Signed, Skinny and Cute, But Lonely As Heck

Dear Skinny and Cute, But Lonely As Heck,

You probably can find some guys that will be willing to accept this situation, but they are going to be few and far between I’m afraid.

The reality is that some guys would rather not date a person that has children from a prior marriage.

Then, there are many that, as you have found, will be uncomfortable with the idea that you are living with your ex-husband. This is especially true if you tell them that he is the best roommate that you have ever had!

So, you will need to go very slow. When you meet someone, you don’t have to rush into explaining the situation.

You will need to get to know each other first and attempt to establish a friendship and rapport.

Once you have developed some trust and respect, then you can explain your choice in living with your ex. You have a better chance at that point that the guy will be willing to accept your situation.

 You have not asked my advice about your choice to live with your ex, but I would like you to truly consider if that is the best for your son.

Of course it is great to live with his mother and father. However, to have both of you dating others may really be difficult for him to understand.

 If you determine that it really would be best for him for you two to live apart, that will also do a lot to assist you with your original question as to how to get some guys to date.

Dear Marilyn,

Life is so complicated. I have a new job, and I want to be the very best employee, so that I can keep my job, and hopefully get raises and promotions along the way.

How does one make themselves better than the rest, though? Some of the others don’t seem to appreciate the job, or have the drive that I do.

That may make me look better, but I’m really not sure. I don’t want to depend on other guys being slackers to make myself look good.

How do I become the best employee and make sure that the boss notices me?

Signed, Ready To Fly

Dear Ready To Fly,

 The things that you want to concentrate on are to learn every aspect of your job. Ask questions. Find out how what you do affects the rest of the company.

 Be on time. Keep a sense of humor. Stay calm during stressful times. Volunteer to take on extra tasks, when you are sure that all of your assigned tasks are done.

 Do not point out the flaws of your coworkers to your boss or your associates. Do not comment on the extra things that you are doing.

These things will be noticed by your boss and those in the management roles at your company.

 An excellent employee is valued by a good employer. You will be noticed, and hopefully rewarded for your hard work.

Dear Readers, please send your questions/letters to orangecountytribune@gmail.com .

 

 

 

 

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