Arts & Leisure

Dear Marilyn: Spread your wings!

STUDENTS at the University of Hawaii graduating (UH photo).

STUDENTS at the University of Hawaii graduating (UH photo).

Dear Marilyn,

I graduated from high school in 2012, and I just graduated in May from a local community college. I am now ready to move on to a university and get my bachelor’s degree. I have been accepted at a local state university, and also to a university in Hawaii. My family is extremely important to me. My parents were teary eyed with pride at both my high school and community college commencement ceremonies.

DearMarilogoI really would like to spread my wings, and attend the college in Hawaii. I can afford it financially as well. However, due to my parents being illegal aliens, my parents feel they would not be able to travel to Hawaii to see me graduate when the time comes. Their support is very important to me, and I would hate to not have them by my side on that special day.

My mom is really encouraging me to go to Hawaii. She thinks that it would be wonderful for me to explore new places and meet new people. Honestly, so do I. My dad is more neutral, and says either decision is fine with him. I am really torn. Of course, I must make my decision very soon. What is your advice? Should I stay home, or should I go? What do you think?


Dear Unsure,

My advice is that you should go. I know that you will miss your parents at your graduation, but I think that the other benefits will outweigh that issue. You sound like you are emotionally and financially ready to have the new experiences that will come with going to college away from home. It is possible that circumstances could change, and your folks decide to come out when you graduate after all.

But, assuming that they will not be able to come, I still think that it is the best choice for you. Go, and have a wonderful time. When you graduate, send home lots of pictures and videos of the event. Then come home and have a tremendous celebration with your folks. It will be a happy day for all of you.

Dear Marilyn,

I have been dating a guy for about two years now. I am head over heels for him. But, I have been expecting that we would have a real relationship by now. When he introduces me to his friends, he does not call me his girlfriend. He has never made a commitment to me of any kind. I would have hoped that by now I would at least be his official girlfriend. Honestly, I would like to be his fiancée and marry him.

I have so many feelings for him. But he never expressed that he feels the same way. I didn’t want to be the one to initiate “the talk,” but I finally got up the courage to do it. It didn’t go well. He bluntly said that he is not a “relationship kind of guy.” He only had one serious girlfriend before me, and he told me that relationship did not end well.

We still see each other, but nothing has changed. I am 24 and he is 35. Do you think our 11-year age difference has something to do with his reluctance to commit to me? What should I do now? Shall I talk to him again? Or is it time to break up?


Dear Conflicted,

I agree that communication is extremely important in a relationship. However, he has already made his position quite clear. You just didn’t like what you heard. You are hoping for a different answer the next time you bring it up. I do not think the age difference is the issue.

The issue is that you would like to get married, and he has told you that he doesn’t even want a committed relationship. Yes, as hard as it will be for you to do it, it is time to break up and move on. This is not the guy for you. You need to find someone that has the same goals and love for you that you do for him.

Dear Readers, Please send your questions or problems to me at: Please put “Dear Marilyn” in the subject line. I look forward to your letters!





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