CAN HE TRUST a girl “with a past?”

Dear Marilyn,

I am your 22-year-old average Joe. I am a happy guy, and I have never had any trouble getting dates. Girls are usually attracted to me.

   I have met a girl that is just my type. She is beautiful. She has a sense of humor that is just like mine. She is fun to be with. She is very smart, too. The problem is that this girl has “been around.” She’s dated lots of guys. She has been honest enough to tell me about her past, but it is really bothering me.

I am very confused. My type of girl is much more innocent than she is. But, except for her history, she is the girl for me. We talk for hours. We laugh a lot. When we aren’t together, I spend a lot of time thinking about her. When we are together we have super times.

I am afraid to like her too much. I am worried that she will cheat on me. I don’t want to get my heart broken. The only reason that I have gotten involved to this extent is because of what she has told me. She says that I am the best thing that ever happened to her. Can I believe her?  If this whole scenario seems confusing to you, just imagine what is going on in my mind.

Can you give me some insight on this?

Signed, Scared

Dear Scared,

   Anytime a person is in a relationship, there is always a risk. There are never any guarantees that one of the people involved will not end up with a broken heart.

   So, it is not wise to end a relationship because of worries about getting hurt. There is a good chance that you will not be. Worries of what might go wrong can really get in the way of a wonderful relationship.

   But, in this case you need to really determine what it is that you want. This girl is beautiful, smart and fun to be with. You love being with her.

   However, if her past is going to bother you, than it is best that you end the relationship now. She cannot change what was.

   You have to accept her as she is, or you have to move on. You can’t have it both ways. It is not fair to either of you to continue dating her, and still spend time worrying about her past.

   So, enjoy your time together.   If you can’t do it, then break up now.

Dear Marilyn,

How do you motivate yourself when you are feeling down and depressed? It seems like there is so much to worry about.

I worry about my job, and my schoolwork, and where I am going to find enough time to just have fun. I am not sad, or depressed all of the time. It is really more like momentary funks. Still, I can’t seem to get over these feelings.

Do you have any suggestions?

Signed, Worry Wart

Dear Worry Wart,

   The first thing that you need to do is to get organized! When you just kind drift from one stressful situation to another, it is not surprising that you feel worried and depressed.  

   Plan each day as much as you can. Figure out how much time you will spend working, or studying, and how much time you can squeeze in for yourself and your friends.

   Then try to stick with the amount of time that you have budgeted for each. If you spend more time than you had planned, don’t let it get you down. But, if you are even close, you will find that you don’t feel as much pressure and stress.

   The second thing that you need to do is to determine if you can change any of the things that are causing you such stress.

   For example, see if you can work fewer hours, and still meet your financial obligations. It sure would be nice to have a few of those hours back each week.

   Or, determine if you should take a lighter course load at school. Sure, that may mean an extra semester or two, but in the long run, that may be better for you.

   Finally, you have to understand that it’s OK to have momentary funks. It IS hard to juggle work, and school and a social life. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

   Relax when you can, and work when you should. This time in your life will pass. Hang in there.

Dear Readers, please send your questions to Dear Marilyn at orangecountytribune@gmail.com .