WHICH SIDE are you on? Which side is your spouse on? (Shutterstock).

We live in a house divided.

No, I’m not talking about the ideas of nimrods who advocate for a national divorce, lining up the states into blue and red, like soccer teams.

I’m talking about the Super Bowl this Sunday. One of us – her – is rooting for the Kansas City Chiefs and the other – me – is backing the San Francisco 49ers.

The Chiefs are the favorite, understandably. They go to the Super Bowl more often than I go to the pantry for some Oreos. They’ve got one of the all-time great quarterbacks in Patrick Mahomes, who is also turning into one of the all-time great pitchmen for insurance.

Kansas City has more than just Pat, of course. They’ve got Travis Kelce – another future Hall of Famer, this time as a tight end – and he’s got Taylor Swift, the all-time pop song queen.

And, if you believe in some of the more deranged conspiracy theories, the game is already decided. The fix is in. According to the latest digital paranoia, the Super Bowl winner has already been settled in a gentlemanly fashion, with either an exchange of money or a prodigious act of brain-washing.

The way it’s supposed to go is that at the end of the game, Swift will got do down to the field where the trophy is being presented. plant a big smooch on Travis and urge her followers – many of whom aren’t old enough to vote – to cast their ballots for Joe Biden, provided he can remember if this is actually an election year.

My backing goes to the 49ers, who are clever enough to be based in Santa Clara, away from the somewhat iffy public safety situation in ‘Frisco. I used to root against the Niners because they used to beat the Rams like a drum, but with the arrival of Brock Purdy I have changed. Purdy, as you may know, is about as unlikely a hero as you can imagine. For a while he was best-known as “Mr. Irrelevant,” the guy who was chosen last in the 2022 NFL draft.

I am always happy to see that scouts and coaches – who proclaimed Purdy to be “The Least-Likely to Succeed” – can overestimate their own prowess in evaluating talent.

So far, he’s directed the team to a 17-4 record in his role as QB and earned a sky-high rating of 111.4.

So there you have it: The dark forces of conspiracy vs. the underdog. Oughta be a good contest.