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Dear Marilyn: Mom, just keep out of it!

IS HIS FIANCEE just a gold-digger? It’s none of your business, mom.

Dear Marilyn,

I have been blessed to have a very nice son. He is smart, well-educated, and he has a great job that should lead to a very good career.

   He has now brought home his intended wife-to-be. I do not know what he sees in her. She seems like a very “average” girl to me. My son is 30 years old. I know that he is an adult, but I would hate to see him make such a big mistake.

I think that his fiancée is a shallow golddigger. I am amazed that she is the one that he has chosen for a wife. We have always had what I would consider a close mother-and-son relationship. Do you think that I should tell him how I feel?

Signed, Stressed Mother

Dear Stressed Mother,

   Sure, go ahead and tell him. That is, if you want to lose the close relationship that you have with him.

   I am kidding, of course. Absolutely do not tell him. Instead, focus on what is a very happy time in both of their lives. As you spend more time with his fiancée, you may begin to like her more. That would be a nice thing for all of you.

   However, if you still don’t care for her, although that would be unfortunate, don’t say a word about it to your son. You are going to still want to spend time with your son, and will now include his new wife to be. Someday you may be blessed with grandchildren.

   Do not ask your son to “choose” between you, as he will probably choose his fiancee. Truly, that is how it should be. So, stop stressing, and start enjoying this important time in all of your lives.

Dear Marilyn,

I’ve always been the “odd” child, and I love that about myself. I’ve never been like everyone else in my family.

They are what you would call more traditional, and I have always liked to make my own way, and test established theories about how life should truly be lived. For example, when we were in our teens, my brother only thought about making money during the summer. He got a summer job on the very day that school was out.

I, on the other hand, volunteered my time at a camp and worked with young people. I really enjoyed it. My mother and my brother thought I was crazy not to make any money that summer, but I was very happy with my choice.

Now my brother and I are in our 20’s. I have noticed more and more that my brother seems to be pulling away from my mother and me. He only hangs out with people that are well-off financially. They own fancy cars, and have very nice homes.

These luxuries are things that my mother and I cannot afford. Neither can my brother. He confessed to me that he is lying to his new friends about where we live. He wants them to think that we are just as rich as they are.

Should I talk to my brother about this? I am afraid he is in for sadness and disappointment, while he is trying to keep up with his new so called friends.  I would like to smack him on the back of the head. Should I confront him, or just let it be?

Signed, Little Brother

Dear Little Brother,

   You need to let it be. You are the “free spirit” of the family. You brother is obviously motivated by money and the “finer” things in life.

   You are right. He may be in for a letdown when his new friends find out the truth about him. And, they probably will find out. The truth usually comes out in time.

   However, everyone in that group may not be as shallow and materialistic as you assume they are. Some of them may actually like your brother regardless of his financial situation. Only time will tell in that regard.

   So you continue to make your own way, and follow your own dreams. Let him do the same.

   You will take different paths, but you will always be brothers. Stay as close as you can to him, but do not be the judge of how he should lead his life. He will hopefully do the same for you.

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