I know that you have been married for a while now. So, I have a question. After all of your experiences in life, would you recommend marriage to a young couple?
I am a 20-year-old woman. I don’t have a steady boyfriend, but I have dated lots of guys. At this point in my life, I am struggling with the idea that slapping a ring on is an excuse for the man to forget about his loving wife.
I mean, who would really want to sign up to be forgotten about for the rest of one’s life? What is your opinion and experience on this issue, if you are willing to share?
Signed, No Illusions
Dear No Illusions,
Oh, I am so sorry that you have lost all of your hopes about lasting romance at your young age. So, yes, I am more than willing to share.
I highly recommend marriage to a couple that is deeply in love, and that truly want to spend the rest of their lives together.
The ring, with the right guy, is not “slapped on.” Rather, it is truly a symbol of love that has no end. It continues on.
And, no, marriage to the right guy will not leave you forgotten about for the rest of your life. Rather, you have someone to share all of life’s joys and sorrows, ups and downs, and changes and seasons.
This joy and happiness will take place when the two people are in love, and truly want to be together. They honestly put the other person’s happiness and well-being first, in front of their own.
I have to assume that your experience with marriage is observation of your own family and your friends. If your experience has been observations of unhappiness and bitterness, then just remember that does not mean a happy marriage does not exist.
On the contrary, they do. Take it from someone that is deliriously happy in her marriage.
I am having issues with my best friend. She does not like my boyfriend. We have been dating for two years, so it is not like this is a new relationship.
My boyfriend does not like my best friend either. They honestly can’t even stand to be in the same room together.
My girlfriend says that my boyfriend is not good enough for me. She says that I should find a guy that treats me better.
My boyfriend says that my girlfriend is too critical and too judgmental.
Neither of them is perfect, of course, but I love them both. How can I get the two most important people to me to tolerate each other?
Signed, Caught in the Middle
Dear Caught in the Middle,
Quite simply, you can’t. Remember that you can never control how someone else reacts to a situation. You can only control how you react.
Therefore, there is no way that you can control the tension between these two.
So, you have to make a choice. The first one is that you spend time with each of them separately. You can enjoy their company, and share time together without worries about how the third person is feeling or reacting.
Or, you can continue to share time with the two of them. Try to do things that they might both enjoy, such as all going out to dinner or to the movies. However, don’t let yourself stress if either of them appears not to be having a good time. That is up to them and it is not up to you.
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