TUG OF WAR in the 1904 Olympics (Wikipedia).

As someone who thinks that skateboarding, “sport climbing” and “breaking” belong in the Olympics about as much as hopscotch and beer pong, I am always amused by the long-gone sports that seem even less worthy of wall-to-wall multi-network coverage.

For example, in the 1900 games in Paris, there was a sport  called “200-meter obstacle swimming” in which the athlete had to navigate over a pole and two small boats to reach the other side.

Tug of war, which you generally think of in connection with a picnic or a custody dispute, was in the summer games from 1900 to 1920. The initial competition was very uncomplicated; the only contestants were the Danish-Swedish team (gold medal) and the Racing Club of France (silver).

There were other off-the-wall events, such as pigeon racing, kite-flying and firefighting over the years. Weird, eh?

Well, maybe not. The last one got me thinking. How about the Real Life Games, in which competitors do things that are more useful in real life than, say, curling?

I can imagine firefighting, sure, but also extreme shopping (sort of like the old “Supermarket Sweep” only with elbow pad and helmets and set in Target two days before Christmas), parallel parking, TSA airport security check (who can get through the lane and past the electronic scan gate the fastest without being sent back because you had the bad judgment to wear clothing with a metal zipper) and my favorite, Romantic Apology. In the latter, you have to verbally smooth over a “situation” (randomly assigned) related to money, old girlfriends or “you don’t like my mother.” 

Wouldn’t that be more fun to watch and democratic than squash? Whatever that is …