I am the maid of honor in my friend’s upcoming wedding. It is going to be in two months. We have been friends since elementary school. However, in the past few years we haven’t seen that much of each other. I am flattered that she considers us close enough to choose me to be her maid of honor.
The problem is that she has some really high expectations as to what I am to do. I have done a lot of research into what my duties are. I feel that I have gone above and beyond them. It has now reached a point that the financial strain of participating in this wedding has begun to have a significantly adverse effect on my already dire financial situation.
So far I have paid for my dress, (and believe me it was not cheap), the shoes, my necklace, and two wedding showers for her. The showers included food, cake and decorations. How can I tell her that I cannot contribute any more than I already have? I was in one other wedding a few years ago, and the other bride did not expect me to pay half of the money that I have already paid for this one.
Now, she wants me to pay for another shower, and for part of her bachelorette party. Please let me know how to talk to my friend without hurting her feelings, or making the next two months before the wedding awkward between us. I feel like she has turned into Bridezilla!
Signed, In The Poorhouse
Dear In The Poorhouse,
I can honestly say that in all of the years that I have been writing this column, I have never seen this issue before. The idea of this young woman asking you to pay for three showers is outrageous. Don’t worry about hurting Bridezilla’s feelings. She is being totally unreasonable.
Let her know that you simply cannot afford to throw another shower for her. Perhaps another family member, or another member of the wedding party can be the hostess for the next shower. If they cannot, then she just will not have a third shower! That should not be your problem, and it is important that you both understand that.
Be honest with her. Let her know that your budget just can’t handle another shower and the bachelorette party.
Tell her that you don’t want to in any way put a strain on the upcoming months before the wedding, but that you simply can’t be responsible for anything more. Hopefully she will understand, and she will not have hurt feelings. If she does, that is her choice, and her decision. Don’t worry about her reaction. You have already gone above and beyond what a reasonable bride would ask of her maid of honor.
My boyfriend is extremely controlling of me. He doesn’t allow me to wear make up, or even to wear skirts. I don’t have much self-confidence. He is my first boyfriend, and I don’t want to lose him. Still, this situation doesn’t seem right to me.
When I do wear make up, and dress up, I feel a lot better about myself. It kind of builds up my confidence. When I try to explain this to him, he gets jealous and suspicious of me. I don’t know why. I have given him no reason to doubt my commitment to our relationship. How do I tell him that I just want to be myself? How do I tell him that things can’t always be his way?
Signed, Shy Girl
Dear Shy Girl,
Don’t bother telling him that you just want to be yourself. Instead, DUMP HIM! He is not worthy of you. You are a person of value and worth. You deserve to act as you want to. You deserve to dress as you want to.
You not only don’t need his permission, but he should cherish you just the way that you are. Instead, he is acting jealous and suspicious. I know that this is your first relationship, and that you will be afraid to break up with him. But please, get up your courage, and do it. You will be much happier. This guy is nothing but trouble for you. So do not let him, or anyone else control you.
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