I recently threw a party, and it was the worst thing that I have ever done in my life. The decision was wrong, and now I am living with the consequences. I let my friends talk me into it, when I never should have agreed to it. It all started as a girls’ night out at my house. They kept asking me to let some other girls and guys come over too.
I finally said okay, and things started to get out of control quickly. I didn’t know half of the people that were at the party. I ended up getting $6,000 worth of stuff stolen out of my house. This was all due to one stupid decision. I don’t know how to say “no” to my friends. I love to make people happy, and I never want to let my friends down.
The peer pressure was so strong on the night of the party. I guess I should have been mean and kicked everyone out when things started to get out of control. I just never dreamed that people I didn’t know, but that were friends of friends, would steal from me. I feel as if this stupid decision has ruined my life. I feel as if I can no longer trust anyone. Please help me.
Signed, Sad and Helpless
Dear Sad and Helpless,
You have to understand that mistakes happen in everyone’s life. You need to learn from your mistakes.
First of all, you are not helpless unless you choose to be. You need to show some backbone and not be timid about trying to find out who stole from you. Contact the police and let them know what happened, and report what was stolen.
Also, talk to your friends and see if they can help you. They should feel very badly about what happened to you, and they should be willing to help you replace what was stolen. If they do not, they are not true friends.
Secondly, you need to learn how to say “no” to your friends. You must never let your friends talk you into a decision that is against your better judgment again. It does not mean that you are not a friend because you do not agree to do something that you do not want to do.
Look at it from the reverse perspective. It was unfair of them to ask you to throw the party in the first place.
They were the ones that were wrong to ask you. You would not have been wrong to refuse them.
My father and I have not been getting along lately. For the last half of my life, he has been very ill, and I have been his caregiver since my parents were divorced. He has now recovered from his illness, and I am very grateful for that.
However, he has recently started seeing a new woman. Even though it has been many years since my parents were divorced, I am having a hard time warming up to her. I want my father to be happy, but this woman has the personality of a wet mop. Even creepier, she bears a disturbing resemblance to my grandmother.
My father thinks that I am not giving her a chance. I think that I have. I’ve only met her three times, and the last time she barely spoke two words to me. My father and I used to be so very close. This situation is causing a great deal of stress between us.
I feel like I have spent so much of my life caring for my dad, and acting like the woman of the house, only to be replaced by someone else. Please help!
Signed, Loving Daughter
Dear Loving Daughter,
You are not being replaced. However, your role has changed, and you have to understand that, and accept that.
Your dad no longer needs your care. That is wonderful. However, you do not feel as needed anymore.
Now he is dating. That is wonderful too, however, again you are the not only focus in is life.
In a way, this is a role reversal that many parents feel when their own children begin to go out on their own. It is time for you to let him lead his own life.
Try to be kind to this woman he is dating. You say that by the third meeting, she had very little to say to you. That is probably because she feels, and rightly so, that you don’t like her at all.
You will always be your father’s daughter. He will always love you very much. Now, you must make your own way.
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