Arts & Leisure

Dear Mari: Mom won’t look for a job

MOM LOST her job and is mostly just lounging around instead of looking for work.

Dear Marilyn,

I am writing to ask your advice as to how I should discuss something with my mom. She has always had a really good job, and she has been working outside of the home all of my life.

About six months ago, she was laid off from a very good position that she had. It was not her fault. She was a victim of downsizing, and her position was replaced out of state. She was sad at first, but now it seems to me that she is actually enjoying her situation. I am frankly disappointed in her.

I know that for some people in some fields, there aren’t too many jobs out there, but that doesn’t mean that she should stop looking, does it? It seems to me that my mom has given up trying to get a job. Now, instead of nagging employees and business lunches, her days are filled with playing Candy Crush on Facebook!

I don’t want to come off as being too hard on her, because I know that it isn’t really my place to tell her what to do.

Also, our family is not really in any financial trouble. She received a nice severance package when she was laid off, and my dad has a good job.

Still, I just can’t wrap my head around a grown woman who is spending more time on Facebook than I do. That just doesn’t seem right to me.

Please help me to find a way to get my mom to trade in her wireless keyboard for job applications.

Signed, Irritated and Shocked Daughter

Dear Irritated and Shocked Daughter,

Please get over your shock and irritation, and give your mother a break! She could use your support, not your disappointment in her.

First of all, you don’t have all of the facts. Just because you see your mom playing a lot of Facebook games, does not mean that she has abandoned her job search. She may be sending out resumes, and making business contacts when you are not around.

Secondly, try and look at this situation from her point of view. You say that she actually seems to be enjoying her time off. Well, maybe she is!

 She has worked outside of the home all of your life. Now, through no fault of her own, she has found herself laid off.What would you have her do? Spend her time being sad?

It is actually a good thing that she has found a way to enjoy herself. She has earned that time for fun, wouldn’t you think?

Finally, I’d like to suggest that you don’t say anything to her at all about this situation. Let her handle it in her own way.

Whether she finds a job soon or not, please stay out of it. Just give her your love and support. That is what she really needs from you. 

Dear Marilyn,

I am a girl, and like many girls I have a best friend that is a guy. I am not sure if other girls go through this too, but I feel as though my guy best friend has a crush on me.

When it is just us hanging out, he usually tries to hold my hand. Sometimes when we watch a movie together, he tries to cuddle.

He also pays for my meal a lot of times when we go out to lunch or dinners. Sometimes he even calls me a pet name, like “honey.”

I know that he is my best friend, but I don’t know how to say no to him without hurting his feelings, so I just go along with it.

I do not have romantic feelings for him, and I don’t want to lead him on. However, I really think that he has romantic feelings for me. I may be overreacting, because he has never tried to make a move on me. He has never told me that he likes me.

I just want to get this figured out before something like that happens. But, I don’t want to ruin our friendship. We have such great times together, and I don’t want that to end. How do you think that I should handle this situation?

Signed, Confused Friend

Dear Confused Friend,

   Your instincts are probably right. It strongly appears that your best friend wants more to this relationship than you want to give him.  He is taking it slow, and he is probably watching your reaction to his moves. By saying nothing to him, you are not being fair to him.

   When you accept his pet names, and semi romantic alone times together, as well as allow him to pay for meals, he must think that you are warming up to the idea of a romantic relationship. It is time for you to speak up. I know that you are worried about ruining the friendship that you have, but you have no choice.

   It is the right thing for both of you for him to know where he stands with you. And yes, it could mean that your relationship may change. He may not spend as much time with you, and he may become more withdrawn.

   However, it is the right thing for him to do. Even though it may not be your intention, by saying nothing, you are really leading him on to believe that he may have a romantic relationship with you, if he is only patient.

   It is up to you to set him straight.

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