WHY CAN’T she find a guy who’s emotionally available?

Dear Marilyn,

I am a 28-year-old female. I seem to have a habit of dating emotionally unavailable men. Lately, the men that I have been dating don’t have time for a long relationship. They just want to “be together” but they want to do that without any commitments.

At first I was OK with that, but now it is really beginning to get old. I’m not sure what it is about me that attracts these kinds of men. I am not sure why I consistently repeat this cycle when it comes to guys.

I haven’t been in a serious relationship for over three years, and the last one was extremely painful to get over.

All of my girlfriends are in long-term, committed relationships, and some of them are engaged. It makes me wonder if I am going to end up as a little old lady with 15 cats!

Marilyn, do you think that I am attracted to emotionally unavailable men because there is a chance that I am emotionally unavailable?

Do you have any suggestions on how to get out of this cycle? How do I meet some decent guys?

Signed, Emotionally Unavailable

Dear Emotionally Unavailable,

You need to get back in control of the situation here. You have the power to decide who you want to date, and how you allow that person to treat you.

I do not think that you are emotionally unavailable. I think that you need confidence and courage.

When you go out with a guy, and he just wants to “be together”, don’t allow it. Don’t waste your time on another date, either.

Spend your time with guys that treat you with respect, and value you as a person of worth.

There are still many places to meet guys. Most people meet through work, school, and by being introduced by mutual friends. I think that meeting people through online dating services is OK too.

However, the hard part really isn’t meeting people. The hard part is finding someone who has the same values and direction that you do.

 It can take time. But when you date these guys that only want one thing, it is a total waste of it. Be selective with who you chose to spend your time.

 Be patient. There really are a lot of great guys out there.

Dear Marilyn,

I need some advice on how to handle a situation. I recently found out that my brother is gay. This really doesn’t bother me, but I can tell that it is a big deal to him. He is still obviously in the closet. I don’t even think that his friends know that he is gay.

But, I am his brother. We are family, and I think that he should be more open to me. When we are out driving around, and he points out “a hot chick,” I want to scream. I know that he is faking it for my benefit. Should I let him know that I know, or should I wait for him to open up to me?

Signed, Little Brother

Dear Little Brother,

   Don’t say a word to him. This is none of your business. Besides you don’t really know anything for sure.

   It is great that you are ready and willing to accept your brother exactly how he is. But, don’t ask him anything about it. If you are right, and he wants you to know, he will tell you. If not, then respect his wishes.

   Either way, just continue having a great relationship with him. That is absolutely the best thing for you to do.

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