BOTH DRIVERS were are fault in this shopping mall mishap, says Marilyn.

Dear Marilyn,

I have having a problem with a very good friend of mine. The problem is that we were in a car accident.

We were at the mall, in the underground parking structure. We had met there, so we were each in our own cars. I was in front, and she was driving behind me.

We were driving at a normal speed, when all of a sudden my soda, which was between my knees, fell to the floor. I abruptly slammed on my brakes to stop the soda from making a mess.

My friend, on the other hand was text messaging on her phone, and she was not paying attention. She tried to stop, but she was too late, and she swerved to avoid hitting me. She hit a large cement pillar.

We got out of the car. There was no damage to the pillar, but the front end of her car has a good dent.

I apologized, and I told her that I would help her by paying for half of her insurance deductible. She agreed.

Now, months later, she has decided that she doesn’t want her insurance rates to go up, so she refuses to file a claim. Instead, she wants me to pay for one-half of the repairs. The cost would be over $1500 for each of us.

I refuse to pay that. It was really her fault for not paying attention. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I am not paying that much for her mistake.

Do you have any suggestions as to what I should do?

Signed, Wondering

Dear Wondering,

   In this case, I agree with you. She is the one who lost control. She was text messaging and driving, and this is very dangerous.

   It is also her vehicle that was damaged, and her decision not to turn in the insurance claim. Actually, this one collision loss should not affect her rates, since there were no other parties involved. That is, of course, unless she has had other accidents!

   However, you can’t let yourself off of the hook totally. Had you not spilled your soda, there would not have been an accident.

   Please don’t drive with soda between your legs any more. You could have been injured if she, or another vehicle had struck you when you made the sudden stop. Or the other driver could have been injured.

   My suggestion is that you approach her again about turning in the loss to her insurance company. You may even suggest that you will pay her entire deductible. I think that is as much as you would owe her under the circumstances.

   If she chooses to discontinue being your friend, then that is her second poor choice in this incident.   She is being unreasonable.

Dear Marilyn,

I am 19 years old. I am having a hard time having the ambition and the drive to get out there in the “real” world.

I have goals and dreams, but the thing is that I have a really close relationship with my mother. I fell that if I “break away” from her that I am going to end up losing the bond that is between us.

Even though I am 19, I still feel that I need to ask her permission for almost everything that I do. She is even telling me that I don’t have to ask her permission any more, and that I am old enough to make my own decisions.

I am just scared and nervous that I will do something wrong, or something that she doesn’t approve of. I am the type of person that really doesn’t want to upset my mother.

This whole issue is making me very emotional. At times, I even cry. I don’t understand why I feel this way. I think that I am just confused. Please help.

Signed, Scaredy Cat

Dear Scaredy Cat,

   Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Growing up, and becoming independent from one’s parents happens at different times and ages to different people.

   You don’t have to start out by making all of your own decisions. However, you really need to start making some of them.

   Just like anything else in life, if you haven’t done something before, it can seem to be harder than it really is.

   So, you need to start practicing. I’ll bet that once you try to make some of your own decisions that you will find that you like the feeling that you get. You may feel much more self-reliant. The more decisions that you make for yourself, the more confidence you will get.

   And guess what? Every decision that you make, or that anyone makes for that matter, is not always the best one.

   Everyone is going to make mistakes. But, you just learn from them, and try very hard not to make the same mistake twice.

   Finally, don’t worry about losing the bond with your mom. That will never happen. She is your mom forever, and she will always love you.

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