WHY WON’T she let him see what she’s doing on the computer?

Dear Marilyn,

Lately I have been noticing that my girlfriend is acting differently. In the past, we have been very open and honest with each other. Now it seems as if she is hiding something.

Maybe I am over-analyzing this, but she seems to be changing. When I ask her what is going on, she says “nothing”.

Every time I walk by her computer, she turns the screen away from me, or quickly closes the screen so that I can’t see what she has been doing.

Another thing that I have noticed, is that she is on the phone A LOT. When I ask her about it, she says she was just talking to a friend that I don’t know.

I try not to be nosy, because I feel that a relationship needs trust to survive. But I am feeling very suspicious.

My birthday is coming up in two weeks, and it has crossed my mind that maybe she is shopping for me. I really want to believe that is the reason for her new secrecy and lack of communication, but I just don’t think that’s it.

Is there something that I should ask her? Or should I just wait and see what happens next? Please help.

Signed, Suspicious

Dear Suspicious,

   I recommend that you trust your instincts. She probably is hiding something from you.  

If she were shopping for your birthday, or setting up a surprise party, it would seem as she would be a lot more discreet.

   However, since your birthday is only two weeks away, it certainly won’t hurt anything to wait until then to confront her. I hope that we are both surprised, and that is the reason for her current secrecy.

   If your birthday comes and goes, and the behavior continues, it will be time to have the talk. Let her know that you need to know what is going on with the secretive phone calls, and the on line behavior that you have been observing.

   If she basically blows you off, and you sense she is not being honest, then she isn’t. It will be a time for you to end this relationship.

If she does tell you what she has been up to, it will be time to discuss the issue together, and determine what is best for you and the relationship.

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