My husband and I have been married for 11 years. I am just now having a problem because of his snoring.
Most nights, I go to bed before he does, so that I can get to sleep before he starts to snore. Some nights he goes into our son’s play room to sleep, as we have put an extra bed in there. I don’t know if he has always snored and it did not bother me before, if this is something that he has just started to do. Maybe we are just getting old.
I have always been a light sleeper, but since our baby was born, I have become an even lighter sleeper. Our child is now 4, and I really don’t need to listen for him at night, however I still do. When our son has a nightmare and comes to sleep with us, he tells his daddy to stop that noise. My husband ends up going into the playroom to sleep.
We have tried a few things, such as having a sleep test from the doctor, but all of the tests came out fine. He wears breath right strips over his nose at night, and that does work a little. Do you have any suggestions on other things that he can try to do? Or, do you think that our marriage will end up in two separate rooms, like an old couple?
Signed, Sleepless Wife
Dear Sleepless Wife,
Let me get this straight. Your husband has gone to the doctor for help, he wears strips on his nose, and he allows his 4-year old son to kick HIM out of the bed because of his snoring! Good Grief!
You want to know what other things your husband can do. My suggestion is that you find out a few things that YOU can do. He has been doing quite a bit already.
See if it would help if you put some cotton in your ears, or try some earplugs. Another idea would be to listen to music.
You need to put the same amount of effort into accepting his snoring as you are expecting him to do to prevent it.
Your son should under no circumstances be allowed to ask his father to leave his bed. It would be best to take your son back to his own room, after a nightmare, and attempt to comfort him back to sleep there.
If you do let him stay with you, then he can either get used to his daddy’s sounds, or he can go back to his own room on his own. Period.
As far as ending up in two separate rooms, “like an old couple” goes, let me give you another clue. Most older couples do not sleep in separate rooms.
Your husband sounds like an amazingly patient guy to me. I hope that you give him a lot of support and love. He is trying. I hope that you are doing the same.
I am 19 years old, and I feel very old beyond my years. I am working three jobs, and I go to school full time. I don’t know why I am doing this.
Luckily enough, my education is not suffering because of my overachieving ways. Tackling three jobs isn’t even the primary issue. The real issue is that two of the three jobs involve working with my family.
What started out as a favor, gradually turned into two jobs. I know that some people would think that working with family is easier than working at an outside job. But, I come bearing the news that that is entirely untrue.
In fact, the pressure is, if anything, doubled. It is full of high expectations and low pay. It is filled with late nights, and last minute favors.
I know that I am getting a lot of experience, working one job with my cousin, and another one with my parents. And, I don’t want to let them down.
The one outside job that I have pays me exceptionally well, and I earn enough money from it alone to take care of my bills.
I just do not know what to do. Sleep seems to be on hiatus, and I am always exhausted. What do you suggest?
My suggestion is that you have a talk with your family. Although it is understandable that they want you to work hard for them, with very little pay, it is time for you to stand up for your own rights.
Let them know that your full time college load, and your job that is outside of the family are the only obligations that you can take on at this time.
Do not feel guilty. They should not expect you to work for them with the load that you are carrying. The fact that you are an overachiever, and you love them is what has driven you so much this far.
But, enough is enough. It’s time to think a little more of yourself. A full time student with a single job is plenty for anyone. It is no wonder that you are always exhausted with the schedule that you have been keeping.
Stick to your guns. You are not wrong. They have been wrong to expect so much from you.
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