SHOULD I LET Dad back in my life after 13 years?

Dear Marilyn,

My father left home when I was 13. When he left us, our family was devastated. Seven years have gone by, and now he wants to be part of our lives again.

I’m really not sure what I should do. It is very hard for me to get past the fact that he left us. He abandoned us once, and I really fear that he will do it again. Also, I have feelings of anger mixed in with my feelings of love for him. On the other hand, I have really missed him. Part of me would really like to see him again, and try to establish a new relationship.

The other part of me is mad at him, and afraid that he will hurt me again. What do you think that I should do? Shall I let him back into my life?

Signed, I Miss My Dad

Dear I Miss My Dad,

Yes, I think that you should. He is still your father. It is possible that he truly realizes the mistake that he made by leaving you and your family.

On the other hand, you are wise to be cautious. It is understandable that you are hurt, and you certainly don’t want to be hurt again. By all means let him know how you feel. He needs to understand that he can’t come in and out of your life at his whim.

If he is truly sorry for his mistakes with you, it is possible that you will be able to establish a new, fresh relationship with him. Go slow.

After you spend some time with him, you should be able to know if he is sincere. Remember that it was not your fault in any way that he left. That was a choice that he made. I hope for your sake that he doesn’t let you down. But, if you don’t give him a chance, you will always wonder what would have happened.

Dear Marilyn,

I have a problem. It is very hard for me to save my money. I am a full time college student. I am also a part time waitress. I always have tip money in my wallet.

I am trying to save up for a new car. I really need it. But, it seems like it will take me so very long to save enough money for it. I always seem to spend my tip money on clothes, or fast food. At the time, it seems like the right thing to do, but then afterwards I am usually sorry.  Do you have any suggestions for me, as to how I can hold on to my tip money?

Signed, A Hole In My Pocket

Dear A Hole In My Pocket.

 If it is any consolation to you, there are many folks that have your problem. Some people find it very hard to save their money, and they spend it as fast as they earn it. Many folks find themselves deeply in debt.

What you need to do is make a plan. This means that you make a budget for yourself, and that you stick to it. Figure out how much money you really need each week. You don’t need to spend money on clothes and fast food. It’s fun to do at the time, but it is preventing you from reaching your goal.

Don’t carry around your tip money. It is just too tempting to spend it. Put it in the bank as soon as you can.  Focus on your goal. When see some new clothes for sale that you don’t really need, think of your new car. Don’t spend your money.

It may help for you to cut out a picture of the car that you would like to have, a hang it in your room. Basically, this is a behavior change for you. Like any habit, the more you work at changing it, the easier it will become for you as time goes on.

There is one more thing that I would like you to consider. The spending habits that you are forming now may stay with you. The sooner that you learn how to save your money for your long-term goals, the better off that you will be.

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