Arts & Leisure

Dear Mari: You need self-confidence

SELF-CONFIDENCE is a key to happiness.

Dear Marilyn,

I am in a relationship with someone that I love very much.   The problem is not with my boyfriend. It is a problem that I am having with myself. I am always thinking about the worst thing that can happen. I really don’t do it on purpose. It just seems like an immediate reaction that I have to the things that he says and does.

For instance, if he tells me that he is going out with his friends, I get these wild thoughts in my head that he would rather be with his friends than with me. Another time he took his mom shopping. I found myself wondering why they didn’t invite me along.

I know in my heart that I am reacting badly. I know that he would not do anything to hurt me, and that it is perfectly natural for him to spend time with his friends, or with his family.

I am driving myself crazy. I find myself crying for no reason. I think that I may be driving my boyfriend crazy too.

Sometimes when we talk on the phone, and we really don’t have a lot to say, I get really worried that I am bugging him, or that he doesn’t want to talk to me. He assures me that is not the case, and I believe him. So why do I keep acting this way?

I really need some good advice on this conflict that I am having with myself. I think my boyfriend is feeling kind of exasperated. Could I possibly be suffering from depression?

Signed, Worrier

Dear Worrier,

I don’t think that you are suffering from depression. I think that you need a healthy dose of self-confidence.

 You are acting “clingy” to him, and it is not good for you or your relationship with your boyfriend. You worry, because you are afraid of losing him.

 You are looking at this situation backwards. Instead of worrying when he is out with his family or his friends, be glad that he is having fun.

When he is with other people it does not mean that he doesn’t want to be with you. It is just that it is perfectly natural for him to spend time with others.

Remember that you are a person of value and worth. He is looking forward to spending time with you. Once you honestly believe that, you will feel better, and not worry so much.

You need to spend time with others as well. If you don’t, he may begin to feel smothered by you. This is the last thing that you want. It could literally cost you the relationship.

So, keep remembering that you are a valuable person, and that he cares about you very much. When you start to feel anxious, think about that and don’t let yourself worry.

 It will not be easy, but you can do it.

Dear Marilyn,

I have a great concern for my best friend. She recently broke up with her boyfriend of four years, and she is taking it really hard.

She seems to always stay home, locked up in her room. She is always sleeping, and she hardly wants to go out with me anymore.

I try to get her to go shopping, or even to just watch videos, but she always makes up some excuse.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I tried talking to her mom about it, but she doesn’t seem to think there is a real problem here.

She is like a sister to me, and I am not going to give up on her. Still, it seems like I have tried everything.

What can I do to help her? Should I be worried?

Signed, Kristy

Dear Kristy,

   Your best friend is suffering from a broken heart. It takes different people different amounts of time to recover from the breakup of a relationship.

   Continue to ask her shopping or to the movies. Don’t worry when she turns you down.   She is just working things out in her own way. Many times, she really just doesn’t feel like going.

There is really nothing more that you can do to help. This is a situation that will eventually resolve itself. Time is your friend. It is a friend to her as well.

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